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User blog:HOW DARE YOU/Andrew Ryan vs Cave Johnson
Hello again! (Unless you've never read anything I've done before this point, to which I say simply say Hello!) I've decided to do these whenever I can, but not to the point where they come out as EXTREMELY forced. So if there is a longer hiatus between these things: there's the reason why. Also, because I've been noticing a lot of people, once they see just the name of it, initially think it's going to be bad. And so, because of this I'm going to be calling these things that I do the "IMPROBABLE Rap Battles of Historyyyy." BUT ANYWAYS, let's get down to the least improbable battle I've come up with. Andrew Ryan, the leader of Rapture whose community fell around him vs Cave Johnson, the lemon throwin' CEO of Aperture Industries whose work slowly decayed until it became the hole in the ground we see in Portal. Both men achieved great success before their empires crumbled. And now they fight. (No real story for this one except for maybe they're rapping against eachother through a portal.) Feel free to comment below as well and tell me what you think, what I could've done better, anything! Also vote. I just found out how to make that poll thing, and I'd at least like to hear your opinion. BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AC0dT4tHvc (By the way, if you're gonna be listening to the beat, you're gonna have to jump around a bit. The song changes too much to just let it play, so I put down different times next to four points in the rap. It sounds better and more consistent this way, I think. But if you just want to wing it, feel free. (Also, I realize it's more Portal like than Bioshock like, but it was the only beat that kind of fit that wasn't too small. Plus it sounds pretty cool)) (0:00-0:15) IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPROBABLE RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYY! ANDREW RYAN VS CAVE JOHNSON BEGIN! (0:16 - 0:47) RYAN: My name is Andrew Ryan, and I'm here to ask you a question. Who the hell do you think you are to challenge me to ANY competition? No Gods, No Kings, Just Man! That's what I've always televized. And with that philosophy I built a Metropolis that thrived! I'm a scholar and genius who was ahead of his time, You're just a so-called "chief"-executive who went insane and died! When people doubted my beliefs, I chose to make Rapture! When people doubted you, you almost destroyed Aperture! You're the very definition of what a parasite is, Using other men's inventions to further widen your OWN business. You disgust me. If I could I would drill through you like a Big Daddy. So Cave, go ahead and fuck yourself...would you kindly. (1:30 - 2:02) CAVE: Cave Johnson here, and welcome to Aperture Science! You're here because I was told you were the best. But I'm not buying it. Anyways, let's get started, the lab boys made this thing called 'Repulsion Gel', I'd explain it to you, but judging by your town, I think you know repulsion well. I mean, don't get me wrong, Rapture was a solid idea on paper, But you forgot that you need to treat your workers just as high as those you think are stronger! By the way, Caroline has been talking and that gem'd like an answer. What kind of freakshow are you to act all pedo with those Little Sisters? I'm the man who'se redefining science from basic physics to dimensional travel. Talk to me again when you've got something down there to compare with our Portals! You're a waste of Space, if you were working for me, you'd be fired on the spot. But after what Jack did with your golf club, I thinkI'll just leave you to rot. (2:03 - 2:33) RYAN: You may make great inventions on the backs of your underpaid test subjects, But I expand the minds of all of those who truly crave it. I don't need any inventions when I've got the Great Chain on my side. We strive for a better tomorrow for all! One free of parasites. And yet you are spewing insults at me even when it's unnecessary. Because you lack in your own ingenuity Cave, you fear the visionary! There are times for everything: a time to live and a time to die. But if you ask me, your final breath was a good 20 years past its time! We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us. I know what that makes me, but you? I'm not thinking much. You put your beloved Caroline on a computer, forcing her to test 'till the end of days. She might have went in with a choice, but in the end she came out a slave. (2:44 - 3:16) CAVE: WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY? I'LL INCINERATE YOUR SECOND RATE ATLANTIS! I'VE GOT THE BEST LAB BOYS ON THE PLANET, PUNK. JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS! You've got a lot of nerve to start this shit-talk with me, Y'know, I think it's time you had another Burial at Sea! Rianofski, you're the warden of an asylum down under, Containing the only survivors of a Civil War that you blundered. Killed by your own son and in your own office, I'd say it was tragic but let's be honest. You had that moment coming for a very long time, After you treated your poor like dogs and took out any opinion you didn't like! Just a heads-up: I've been dropping lemon bombs since I've appeared. Just beat ya, Call me your Big Daddy! I'm Cave Johnson. We're done here. (3:16 - 3:27) WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? VOTE WHO YOU THINK WAS THE BETTER ONE IN THE POLL THING BELOW OR COMMENT IF YOU WANT YOUR SPECIFIC VOICE HEARD. I'LL PROBABLY RESPOND TO YOU. 90% OF THE TIME. VOTE HERE Andrew Ryan Cave Johnson Category:Blog posts